Trauma is not an event - Trauma is what the event does to you.

The Resilience Matrix is a tool used in the Getting It Right for Every Child (GIRFEC) framework to assess the resilience of children and young people. It helps professionals identify key strengths and protective factors in a child’s life - focusing on external resources and circumstances that can promote resilience and help children "Reach their full potential" - In my opinion, this tool is fundamentally flawed, because the situation that may be perceived based on the surface level evidence at time of assessment may not be actually be that child or yourng persons reality and even so, while these external resources may help the child or young person bounce back from challenges in the short term, These external measures of resilience completely overlook the long term impact of trauma and adversity on a child’s emotional and psychological well being.

The real harm of trauma is not the event itself, but the silence and repression of the emotions it generates - which stays with us.

It is so very important to recognise that when we praise a child or young person for their resilience, we may be reinforcing the idea that suppressing emotions is something to be celebrated. This can lead to a pattern where the child buries their hurt until it eventually erupts, sometimes months, years or even decades later.

A more holistic approach is needed to address the internalised effects of trauma - including how it reshapes the brain and impacts our emotional wellbeing, self esteem and relationships. Rather than praising children for suppressing their emotions, we should celebrate their ability to feel, express and process those emotions in healthy ways.

Resilience should not be about holding emotions back, but rather about the ability to face and work through challenging experiences, knowing that support, kindness, compassion, understanding and validation are available.