PDA isn’t just about avoiding demands - At the heart of PDA lies a deep desire for freedom and independence.
The term "Pathological Demand Avoidance" (PDA) often creates confusion and misunderstanding about the true nature of this profile.
The name suggests that demand avoidance is the central and defining characteristic of PDA, but this is only one aspect of a much more complex picture. At its core, PDA is primarily about an individual's intense need for freedom.
For PDA individuals, demands and expectations can feel like threats to the sense of freedom, prompting them to engage in avoidance, distraction, excuses and behaviours which may be deemed harmful, controlling or outrageous as a way to restore their freedom. These behaviors are not about simply resisting demands; they are strategies employed to manage overwhelming anxiety and maintain a sense of freedom.
In fact, even the need to respond with the word "NO" has the potential to be perceived as a demand, which will usually be avoided and replaced with a hand gesture, joke or insult.
For individuals with PDA, even the simplest requests can trigger a deep sense of threat, leading them to resist in ways that can seem defiant or challenging. This behavior is not a reflection of wilful disobedience but rather a manifestation of a profound need for autonomy and freedom.
Understanding PDA requires looking beyond the surface of demand avoidance to recognise that the heart of this profile lies in the struggle between the desire for autonomy and the need to manage anxiety through control in a quest for sense of freedom.
Understanding the Nature of Control in PDA
The concept of control is central to understanding PDA. For those with this profile, control is not merely a preference but a necessity. The fear of losing autonomy can be so overwhelming that it causes significant distress and panic, leading to avoidance tactics that are often misunderstood as stubbornness or oppositional behavior. However, these responses are, in fact, strategies employed by individuals to reclaim their sense of safety and freedom.
Traditionally, control in the context of behavioral management has been viewed as something that needs to be fixed. This perspective often leads to strategies that prioritise compliance and conformity, such as reward systems, punishments, or strict routines. However, for someone with PDA, these approaches can exacerbate anxiety and increase resistance, as they feel an even greater loss of freedom.
Reframing Control as a Pathway to Freedom
For the PDAer, freedom is the ultimate need - like oxygen. Without it, they feel confined and will use any means necessary to regain it.
It is essential to reframe control as a mechanism that can restore freedom for PDAers. This shift requires recognising that the need for control is inherently tied to the need for freedom. When individuals with PDA feel in control of their environment and choices, they experience a sense of autonomy that reduces anxiety and makes engagement more likely.